


Divorce is worse the second time around

by thousandyearwitch



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: All of the Zodiacs need a break, Cheadle needs a break, Complicated Relationships, Crack, Divorce, M/M, Pariston Hill receiving drama king of the year award, Second Divorce, This is not serious its just a shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousandyearwitch/pseuds/thousandyearwitch
Summary: It is a pleasant day for the Zodiacs, and they are getting ready to wrap things up for the day, blissfully unaware that they are going to be unwilling witnesses to Pariston Hills most recent breakdown in reaction to his impeding divorce.
Relationships: Cheadle Yorkshire/Camilla Hui Guo Rou (implied), Ging Freecs/Pariston Hill
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Divorce is worse the second time around

The day had gone by peacefully for Cheadle Yorkshire. She had finished a lot of stuffy paperwork for the zodiacs, brought a satisfying conclusion to arguments dividing the group, Netero was nowhere in sight to dump more work on them, and now she was preparing to wrap the meeting up, double checking her days schedule for any missed meeting points, blissfully sipping on some black tea.

“Well, I don’t see any more need for discussion, and I am sure we all have better matters to attend to, so why don’t we conclude the meeting for today?”

“Sounds like you specifically want to wrap it up quickly, Cheadle. Is her highness waiting for you?” Gel chuckled, teasing a slight blush from Cheadle’s cheeks with the implications of her girlfriend. She was right, but she didn’t have to say it in front of everyone.

Pyon looked up from her phone, “No matter the reason, I wanna leave as well. It’s been so quiet, if I don’t go now, I’ll take a nap right here.”

Cheadle dropped her cup, staring at Pyon with a mixture of shock and rage. “Why did you have to say that, Pyon.”

“Huh?”

The sound of distant footsteps could be heard.

“My next point of schedule is that no one is every allowed to say the Q-word again, everyone.” Cheadle buried her face in her open palms, painfully aware of what was about to happen.

Neither Pariston nor Ging had shown their faces the entire day. And there was usually a good reason when both nuisances were missing.

With a loud _bang!_ the conference room doors blew open, and Pariston entered, sobbing and sighing as if his life depended on it.

Cheadle quickly tapped on her phone:

_“Me @ C. <3: Meeting’s going to be longer today.”_

Pariston sunk into his chair with a dramatic twirl, leaning back and covering his eyes with his arm.  
“Everyone, I apologize for arriving more than fashionably late today. However, I’ve been met with a personal tragedy, life ruining really, and couldn’t leave my home until now. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t need your pity, and its oh too painful to even speak of!”

Silence befell the room.

Cheadle thought about just packing her things and leaving. Pariston was unmoving.

She exchanged looks with Pyon who started charging her phone with a power bank, in anticipation of a long night.

Cluck was the first one to break the silence. “Well, whatever, Cheadle you were sa- “

Interrupted by a sigh so loud and agonized that even creatures on the dark continent might have heard it. “Fine~ I can tell that all of you are just so on edge to know what could possibly shake me to my core like this!”

Pyon let her head fall onto the desk, defeated “We really weren’t- “.

“Ging handed me the divorce papers today. After all I’ve done for him! Sure, I put all his clothes in a trash bag and set it on fire, but what else was I supposed to do after he forgot laundry day for the third time, he’s never going to learn his lesson otherwise!”

“Wait, didn’t you get divorced 5 months ago?” Cluck asked, followed by a chorus of groans because she dared to entertain the drama king’s newest theatrical release.

“That divorce never got finalised after we made up during a passionate night on the beach.”

Kanzai felt himself puke in his mouth a little.

“And this morning I was expecting my daily espresso, but instead he just handed me divorce papers and left! The audacity to not even argue with me in public about it! He probably doesn’t even want to take custody of our kid this time either!”

“Your _what_?” Pyon looked up from her mobile version of PUBG.

“This time?” Cheadle chimed in, halfway through an astral projection into her home.

“During the last divorce I took custody, under the belief that he’d argue with me about it and we would have to go to court together, but instead the said ‘thanks’ and disappeared for 4 weeks!”

“That poor child.” Mizaistom added, secretly taking notes to inform child protective services, though Pariston lazily waved a hand, fake tears dried up.

“Oh, it’s all on paper. He lives with his aunt- or cousin? Ging is surprisingly vague when it comes to that, but at least most of the time he remembers her name.” He laughed, no one else joined him.  
“Ahem, the point being, this divorce I am forcing him to take Gon under his name, and he’ll see me and my new Armani suit in court if he refuses!”

He was finally sitting up straight, wiping the last few dried tears from his eyes. “Now, I don’t want to pull all of you into my complicated love life, so I am not asking anyone to take sides.”

A sigh of relief echoed through the room. No one wanted to be on either side.

Pariston leaned uncomfortably close towards Cheadle, voice barely above a whisper, “But I know no one here is a filthy Liberal, and would disregard my years long dedication to our organization~”

“Breathe into my general direction one more time and I am going to lobotomize you with my teeth.”

“Impressive!”

Cheadle forced herself to smile as politely as her remaining nerves granted her to. “If that is all, rat, I’m sure you’d like some time for yourself in this difficult time, so we really shou- “

The conference room doors flew open again, this time to a visibly agitated, and dripping wet Ging.

Pariston leaned over to Cheadle again, though he wasn’t breaking eye contact with his soon to be ex-husband. “I may have cut the breaks of his car in an emotionally upstirred fit, though I didn’t factor in water. Ging, did you take my dry-cleaning out of the car, that was quite expensive, you know?”

“I fetched it out of the water, don’t worry, and I was nice enough to throw it in and around your office. I may have knocked your computer off the desk in the process.”

“Wreaking havoc in my office without me? How disappointing.”

“I was thinking of you when I was kicking the door in.”

The air of the room had become uncomfortably stuffy, warm, and smelled of rotten fish.

The rest of the Zodiacs were desperately trying to look anywhere but the scene unfolding in front of them, and Cheadle got out her phone again.

_“Me @ I. Netero: I want to leave the Zodiacs.”_

Instant reply.

_“I. Netero @ Me: No <3.”_

When she looked up, Ging was sitting on Paristons lap, choking him while talking about redistribution of property during the divorce.

She rested her face in her hands, idly thinking about if she were to get a discount if she hired the same hitman for two murders.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have made it this far, I am so sorry, and thanks for reading.  
> I just needed a break from serious fic writing, just needed to get this shitpost out of my fingertips.


End file.
